You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
