Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
