Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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