Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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