Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
