Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
