i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
