You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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