Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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