i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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