marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
