Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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