i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
