If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
this hospital has no fireball
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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