I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
