Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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