first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize