You made me cry and you don't even care
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
