You just made me feel so damn special
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
