I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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