she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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