I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
