Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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