i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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