Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
