I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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