If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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