I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
