As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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