I think my vagina is haunted
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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