he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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