Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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