Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
