So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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