Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
