I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize