I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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