Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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