I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize