why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
