so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
