party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
