Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
