So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
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