Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
