I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
