Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
