is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
