If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
