Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
accomplished twins. life is a go
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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