i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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