I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
