yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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