ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
