Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
