yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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