I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
