Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
