She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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