Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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