are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
