I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize