Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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