I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
