well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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