yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
