Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
