low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
