I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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