So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
