...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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