The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
