someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I need to stop coming to work sober
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
