If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
