Umm I'm too high to move.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
