i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
