his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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