glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
