Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
