Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
