He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
How's work?
Spinning.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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