Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
