How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
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