i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
whose parrot is this?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
