and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
