you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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