i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
