Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
