Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
