why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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