u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My ass is underappreciated
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
