OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
