that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
