It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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