I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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