Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
