Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
