come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
