He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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