A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
